Isolation

Song of the day: "Help Yourself" Sad Brad Smith (from Up in the Air)
"Take the time to take apart each brick that sits outside your heart and look around you."

I sit here and envision my family members, moving around on a map over time and it is clear, there are some of us who never go home. In doing my family tree I see that a few of us who would fly the coop and head to other parts of the world and never come home. I seem to be one of those.

Not sure how to feel about that fact. It makes me wonder about home and safety, home and identity, home and where it is.

It definitely guides where this blog is going. The approach is: I am writing a letter to my kids and their kids. I don't know myself well and the above observation is the first nugget of self-knowledge and it made me sad just to write it. I realize that I am sitting here in front of a screen by myself just as I was when I was fifteen and scribbling in a notebook, raging and "beavering away" in the broil of my large, crazy family but closed off, writing, waiting, trying not to kill myself.

If this letter/blog is going to be an open wound eventually - fair warning - it will follow an arc, what doesn't? I won't always be naked and bleeding, sometimes I'll be naked and just hanging out. If it is too personal for you, fuck off. I mean that in a very respectful way.

There is only one audience for me and they know I have this thing for music. Note about content: It will scattered all over the place, I don't care. I want to stop making sense. But music will be here, movies I like, books I'm reading.

This is Kikisoblu (aka Princess Angeline) of Duwamps (Seattle) and she's hanging out with her dog. I am going to become her.