sittin by the dock of the bay

watching the tide roll away. have too much scary over the top emotion but still trying to ground myself in plans for the future. have no idea about the future but feel it to be an active one. no premonition about death can be the determining factor about life because they are the same thing. the factors are in your face and the faces of all those who are there with you at crucial times and in the direst need. always family to think of and those plans get chased and time falls away, the dusk beautiful and the big green N shines steadily on.

san francisco has been a respite and being back on the rez another. death has to be motivating in that business is attached and someone has to take care of it.

if one is rootless, everywhere can be home, so for today, it's SF, tomorrow OR, then 206, then 208!

No more prayers in government

Watching CSPAN and the guy doing a xtian prayer makes me ill.  If they are going to do a prayer, a Native American should be singing, not that newcomer stuff!  Okay, the newcomer stuff is okay when people are actually doing it, being xtians rather than lip servicing it but the holier than thou attitude and hijacking democracy, no, does not belong in our congress or in our government in ANY way.

Queer Fest on Capitol Hill

Marched with the Northwest Two Spirit Society yesterday at the 2007 Queerfest on Capitol Hill.  A couple of nights before that, I was at Freeway Hall with Radical Women reminiscing about the early 80's and our gay pride parade organizing.  This year there is again two parades and two events.  One seems to be the "political" one and the other, a "social" event that is not in the "gay" community on Capitol Hill.

Needless to say, I went to the Radical Women reunion and marched yesterday, so that already tells you where I stand on this.  I like the whole queers for free beer thing too, but Queers For a World w/o Fear is much more my preference if I'm marching around like a bozo.

Marching was fun and at least 30k people showed up to watch.  The groups represented were those that are concerned about change in a political sense but the usual naked and pumped up guys were there and scantily clad women and very young woman also pranced around with each other and they were so sweet and brought back a lot of memories of my young hottie days.

I don't remember having so much fun, unfortunately.

The festival after brought me a new song to love, one called "Stand Up" done by these two lesbian rappers and I have to find the cd and post some of the lyrics.  Mostly, I stood in the shade of the lighting towers next to the stage and felt my sisters singing that I don't have to be afraid, that I can "stand up."  Been crying a lot about them but this time I felt the love through their hands on my face, singing.

Mariners, Seahawks, Huskies, Storm and Sonics

What is the dumbest thing in the world to cry about?  How the Mariners refused to lose when it counted most for our city's baseball future.  Just remembering the moment Edgar doubled, like we knew he would, and scored Junior from first and the awareness that he was safe at home!  Wow, not sure how much pent up frustration from years of wondering if these guys would EVER win.  Wow, they did it, they actually did it.  I even remember who I was watching it with, Rosie, are you out there?  

It just seems funny after all the death in my family to worry about a stupid pro sports team.  My oldest sister who just passed loved the Seahawks, as do the rest of us who follow sports and they were unashamed in their devotion.  It is just so unfair that these guys play a game and get paid so much while public education is a joke and ridiculed worldwide, while poor people never think of ever being able to be physically present at a pro sports venue, but they may dream of it.  Pathetic really, to care at all about boys playing games.

So, as usual, I have to find a way to reconcile that, but for now, it is enough that there is the playing of sports that watching sports engendered, the sense of sharing that we have had with each other, and there is the simple rooting for the underdog and seeing them come through, like they did in '95.  That is classic community, in basic ways the safe way to get with people on something, sometimes the only way some have community.  

So this came up because Junior is back today after leaving us those many years ago.  Welcome back, nice to see you again.  Hope things go well for you whatever happens between us while you're here.  Thank you. 

CSPAN rules!

Even though it makes me physically sick, I am back to witnessing as our government works in session while hashing out energy policy and while in committee with a DOJ official, P. McNulty.  You notice, I cannot even write the guy's full name, I now disrespect him that much.  

Have to say, these posts again are meant for my relatives now and those to come.  I do include all people in my family, we always have.  Our virtues were represented in those that have spoken to us lately.  We have been taught love, fearlessness, correctness, joy, and purity and many others.  Laughter is one that still resides in all of us, as my brother said to us at the end of our hell week.  He said, "You can't take that out of us, you never will take that out of us."

This family has a lot to do this year.  Politics is just my sideline, but an interesting one, for sure.  Later, my posts to different blogs or comments page and live comments on testimony will still be here but the whole idea is to bring us together as much as possible.

digby's identity

Watching video of the woman who writes the digby political blog and she sounds like she write even though I never thought of her as a woman.  She is revealing herself at an award ceremony for bloggers and it is so appropriate and signifying.

Women rate in this movement and I can't wait for '08.

Names of our deceased relatives

Have to write about the family we lost and gained, now that i think of it, without naming names.  In our way, we do not mention names until a year has passed and we have had their memorial.

I did watch CSPAN today, but only to hear about Michael Lamb getting trashed by Michael Savage and now want no part of the politics thing until my person is more resilient.  Otherwise, i'll get sick.

Ready to try again

Have returned to city and ready to try my hand at writing again. It has been the most painful period of my life and the loss has been catastrophic to me and my family.

Those five relatives that have passed are not to be forgotten, especially since they had work they want us to finish. The longhouse and the continued viability of our family were the two things these five will bring, if faith in anything can ever mean that death is no big

It IS for the kids

they are getting desperate if this is the "face" of our military.

Have been away dealing with support issues for a few days. The opening for world peace is understanding, ennit?

The bald face issue is what we think about, what we act on, what we leave for our future generations and we feel that way whether we have kids or not. I can think of many people, including myself, that do not deserve to speak about properly parenting their own kids and setting an example for them to become law abiding and blahdiblahblah. I was raised to be hell-raising and self-medicating and we all knew what a disaster THAT was going to be!

While all that was happening, I realized it. Nobody can reasonably say they don't know it when they are committing suicide.

Yet we were allowed to have children. I have apologized to my poor kids for their having me as a mother but that may not be enough. So it can now be said, the reason to keep a blog going is for them. If I had not lost my first true daily dairy, it was started the day I knew I was going to give birth to my first child.

So this is not going to be read by anyone else but them in some ways because I will not publicize it other than by linking to my signature, but the real audience is the kids that come after. To hell with any other opinion other than theirs, if 43 can rely on posterity, so can I.