not cancer

have been negligent yet again but at least now i know i do not have cancer of the colon. the test was not bad, the preparation was noxious but worth it all in all. the health of our entire ecosystem is another question entirely and how i feel is enraged. what to do about all that other than write to this blog, which btw, is still directed to the kids that i have in reality, since as usual, i cannot communicate directly with them either, at least not right now.

my days are short, and like everyone else, i want to be free, comfortable, loved, a lover, a good friend with real friends, to be a part of my own family and able to create family out of the masses. no way to know anything, so kuunuu to all of religion and politics, economics especially. no more tv news for me either. what truth there is i have to find in myself and for now, i'm a big, fat, liar.