Now that I have been home and way too busy, it's time to put the final word on that weekend before it completely skip my mind.  

After watching the video and even posting it to the web, I realize that we had some serious fun!  As the day of workshops progressed, it was clear we needed more time for this.  My main concern was making it to the grief workshop and once I did that I was happy.  The other workshops were worthwhile as well, especially the health related info and history of two spirits.  One workshop ended up being postponed, so that can be avoided in the future.  It was also almost time for a wedding and many of the happy campers were getting ready for that.  Once I checked on whether I could shoot the wedding or not, I grabbed a paddle and headed out onto the water.

It is as if there will be no other mountain or cloud or wave than this.  There is not way that any other view of your paddle striking the water in just such a way or that the depth of the lake is not drawing you in, asking deep within it's lake soul to take you, and you paddle on. 

Singing Them In

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I keep gettting off topic with this write-up but everything is connected and shown for every good or no reason at all.

At the moment, watching William Rodriguez, 9/11 Survivor/hero talk about his experience that day and what has happened since.  Too much carping by those of us merely experiencing poverty or having too much anger and then these stories are recorded that can change your entire outlook on life.  It is no exaggeration to be totally honored to have this obsession with cspan and get these gems presented to me and I'm sitting here being there.  He is telling the story such that I believe I will be able to go up and shake his hand after.  If you get a chance, find him on cspan, well worth it.

Working on getting more recordings up on this blog and YouTube account.  Messing around with compression rates but have to find a faster computer for editing and rendering.

Willie's thing with the master key is so symbolic, his insistance on standing by the book and the law.  That key, what is it made of?

One note about the food at the Gathering:  it was great and made with love.  We have so much blessing in that all we have to do is show up and participate.  When we have events, sometimes the schedule gets mangled, the intensity of each little thing is so much what life was meant to be.  It is a dream of community and shared responsibility and most tellingly, a sense that every moment is precious.

He says, "I saw people jumping out of the buildings.  There were bodies everywhere."

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A little word about dancing. It is one thing I love to do almost as much as stickgame or making love. Dancing is making love in it's public, safe and flirty way, and if you happen to be going home with the one you're dancing with, even better. Next year, more of you have got to stay and show some disco spirit. Meanwhile, I'm having fun with the video, fondly remembering the dance.

The whole political landscape is being shaped to support ongoing invasion and war for the foreseeable future. We are pulling together, but our ways are not known, our spirit contained within the few. I said I was tired of being afraid. Now that I have been able to get back on track with this blog and the video page, both stopped while I shattered along with my family the last few months, I feel released and there are several reasons but most of all, I have a mission that I cannot name yet. I may get close by describing the one dream I am always reminded of when I think of death or loss and want to find some meaning.

I want to work on getting the last of the show up then I'll write that dream out for you. Love all, purple or small, blue, green, brown, white, we are are for each other.

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There is no other way to describe the No-Talent Show of Friday night as anything other than a total surprise and funny as hell. A few employees of the camp stayed for the show and said it was better than Vegas! It was, I had a hard time not peeing my pants and literally did have to leave to visit the restroom, I was laughing so hard. I will post a link to the show once I upload it.

There was a Night Lodge and like other events and people, I cannot get too detailed about it except to say that it was over by 4 AM and was a great experience for everybody who participated.

Have uploaded one of the funniest things I've ever seen, a song called "Prison Bitch" and Joey and Albert were hilarious.

The spiritual aspect of the gathering was such an integral and surprising part of it for me. I had not realized how seriously everyone else had taken their role in their families and communities to be a conduit, a spiritual being by choice and act. What a beginning. No way to know if I can ever be at this stage, but somehow, I wait for a dream.

Had the opportunity to talk with a young lesbian yesterday and at twenty five, she had lots of opinions, but knew what I was talking about when I told her to waste no time getting after what she wants in life. There is no time to waste, especially with the world we had the nerve to leave to her and to all our children. We will have a lot to answer for, but we can still contribute and help out where we can. As well as beginning to understand ourselves and be willing to work to make our struggles worthwhile and the world a peaceful one for all of us. The gathering made this talk with this young woman possible, as if I had refreshed my own hope for my own goals and dreams.

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The Pink Ladies are getting thrown out of the Petraeus hearing. Great to see that someone cares enough to put themselves on the line like that.

Camp Seeley is a dream, beautiful lake amid blackened forests, but the cabins are intact and comfortable. Someone told me that they keep coming back here because the staff is also very open minded and kind. I make a point of telling them thanks and complimenting their camp. They seemed efficient and the place was great for the Gathering. I did a little exploring and went down to the dock. The first thing to do during a free moment is get out on that clear water. Even with the wind making waves and clouds in the sky, I wanted to get out on that water.

As people were waking up and others were arriving, I was struck by the joy that each person seemed to feel every time someone would walk up or pull up in cars. It was heartening to witness people coming together and teasing each other and be genuinely pleased to see each other again. Gave you a sense that people got close over the length of this gathering. Eventually, the opening prayer was called in the pavilion.

Native people together have a certain sense of always living a way of belief, not preaching it nor pushing it. We started the weekend as a prayer and with Matt D. leading us, we started off a weekend of prayer in all that we did. Right after, we had a talking circle and connected up with each other through our stories, which were amazing and confidential.

Dinner was ribs, wow. Thought we'd get hot dogs on a stick, only hoping for a bun. The food for the weekend ended up being fantastic and was well appreciated by all of us. Then after a interlude which allowed Brian and I to grab kayaks and cross the lake. What a rush to be on rough waters and toiling to pull a little boat towards a point that seems a mile away. We got over and marveled at how beautiful it was.

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I was able to describe hearing a song while at Seattle Pride in Volunteer Park and the women singing were my family already on the other side telling me to hang on. My thing is, this was the third time I had felt this tingly certainty and it was another time that teachings were instilled in me from just living within my fully Native family (until Penguin and I had the mixed bloods, ayy!). The big difference with me is that I had this whole sexuality question to answer, and while I avoided it until my 16th year, I was able to find a place to be happy within an accepting family.

Getting into the van for the nine hour drive to Seeley Lake, Montana, I felt expectant, but there is no way to anticipate anything, since it's been a while since I've been to a Gathering and then it was mainly because I was teaching stickgame. The trip itself was fun because of my fellow passengers and the fact that I did not have to drive. We arrived at 5 AM Mountain Time (I love that designation, almost as much as Pacific Standard Time).

It was too dark to know how beautiful the place was, so I just claimed a couch and drifted off.

Betray Us aka Petraeus is a murderer, or is he simply the "muscle" behind Bushes tiny brain?

So I wake up and know immediately why I'm here when I see Raven and Kaleena already up and sitting at the breakfast table--the chance to turn a camera on and record my People.

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What would I have done without the weekend spent at the Montana Two Spirits Gathering? Being a bit of a selfish, out of touch bitch, I sometimes forget that deep down, there are reasons that I get drawn to such high character, energetic, committed and joyful people.

I already had my own goal for the gathering. As someone with at least two spirits, I wanted to document a story told by us for us. The fact that the committee included brothers Raven and Hiram, and Steven, their uncle, made it more of a necessity to attend, at least for the documentary project's sake. Never would I have imagined how much of a momentary experience it would prove to be. There is nothing inherently wrong with being lost, but there is a way home.

This is all jarring with the cspan airing of General Betray Us and Ryan "A Crock of" Crocker (He just said, "I cannot guarantee success"). What is going on is, my world has been transformed to the point that none of us has a grip on anything and gatherings like we shared on Seeley Lake can be taught, can be increased and can include everyone that is willing to attend and let themselves go with every moment that presents itself. I rail against the European invader, but I love him/her still. A song called "I am trying to break your heart" by Wilco could be inserted here.

A Crock Of just said, in short, "we need more $$$$$$$$$$$$$", of course you do.

The fact that my sisters. niece and nephews preceded me to a higher ground does not seem to hurt as much. My shoulders were so tense, and now I can sit up straight, sit here and type, even as the damn TV is driving me insane.

Why have I become obsessed with cspan? I want to witness my own destruction.

Women in war

Had a chance to watch Eli Painted Crow talk in a video earlier. I'll post it but until then it seems even more clear that my problems and complaints are only so much trivial bullshit.

Everyone has their challenges, but some are brave enough to look for a challenge while putting their life at risk and truly serving the people. What do I do? That is the question.