BP and treaties

watching Senator Al Franken ask the oil guy, jack coleman, about oil drilling is so eductional. the oil guy is like a oil sheen of sleaze sloshing around the room. Franken: "I don't understand your reaction."

drones like coleman will fight for treaties and pre american sovereignty, i'm sure. shareholders, my sweet ass. if the government can screw nii mii puus on their TREATY, what makes your damn contract worth anythingG?!

cspan is killing me.

Another oil industry fail and i'm helpless until i'm on my bike

most of us are just barely getting by and then this oil disaster happens and no one can be serious enough about it to stop our use of oil. we have to act by doing that one big thing, getting out of our cars. don't ask me how to do it, because usually i'm bus bound but all i have to do is fix the bike tire and i'm out on the street, free and happy to pedal slowly down the street. yeah, everything is a hassle but in place of marching or riding down there and trying to express my rage and grief, may or may not have an effect, depending on the plan and your willingness for giving your life to it. until i can do something real without so much rage and grief, i can ride my bike or walk while i still can. it's just too much stress to watch what is happening and not do something, however small.

as for something large, everyone has a dream and since no one else can express it, that has to be the other action i take, then take it from there. the only problem is, no one will be interested in my dream unless others have it, but strangely, i believe there must be others who can help me elucidate it, make it real. who and where will i find them?

mathematically unintelligent = suckers

buffett shows some respect, for Brooksley Born! he is afraid of someone for once. these hearings are a joke otherwise.

buff is looking at holtz-eakin like he's viewing a frog mating.

what the hell does "estimable" mean? the deference given buff is so naked and frankly, nauseating. what does "there is UTILITY in the model" mean? sounds like he's saying, "we can make money, so the model works."

got to stop watching before i throw something.

Weird obsession

Okay, so i watch congressional hearings. i admit i track the stock market and thought i could pick them if i had to. luckily, i have never had the money to invest and simply hope our state pension has some funds in it when we retire - at least enough to bury each other. the credit rating agencies are on today. it's like waiting for a blood match for an ultimate fighter. you want to watch even though the whole thing absolutely Horrifies you! today, the special match even has warren buffett to harrumph through the questioning, knocking out anyone in his path with "sage". the bp guy and the moody's guy are morphing into the enron guy and the madoff guy and, holy shit, WTF!? is there some culture of ultimate stupidity that we have to fight too?

any minor thing i do that is "illegal"? hard to care when no one is ever accountable for anything, especially if you have money. so here i sit, mostly law abiding except for the green, and if i get caught, Criminal! and jail. life in these united states is NOT fair.

invoke sovereignty and take our country back! we can't possibly do any worse than the crazed invaders have. watching them, especially buffett, turns my stomach. they are human oil spill. cspan ROCKS!

we're just a bunch of sludgey mother fuckers sleazing around! i have always felt that i was the dumbest one around, so i hide my ignorance by not writing, by not speaking out because i think everyone else knows, everyone else has the resources and time but no, not me. shit! now i know everyone else is just as fucking STUPID as i am! i don't how to express all this anger without swearing but i will in deference to my partner who hates my alley talk. i love it but oh well, i'm used to censoring myself, that is the whole point, right?

some idiot went to law school and all they get to do is be sleazy!? a guy goes to business school and all they get to do is become welfare queens!? you decide you're going to be in government at miserable rates and all you can do is let lobbyists screw you?!

there's got to be somebody who can do a job without selling their soul.

no one chooses to starve, but to be so acquisitive, against ALL logic, is suicide for us. what we do is act like we want to live here, act like we want clean air and water. simple.

AIG hearing on CSPAN

It is so instructive to actually hear the suits get together and explain to each other how fucked up they are. "De-leverage and De-risk the company!?" what the hell is up with an entire system of people basing EVERYTHING on "good risk management and planning?!" How does a naked short sale work? is it the same fucking thing that happened when we were forced to sign treaties? how and why some tribes signed treaties for others and all were forced to comply and all lost almost everything? This kind of greed and mendacity are rampant but by no means "new."

we created this world together, i have to keep reminding myself of that. now we have to fix it, together. how does one person start? tell me.

This earth is NOT "bounty"!

Another word or phrase i take issue with because what else can i do? just die, ay? Listening to our president explain to us how we will stop shitting on ourselves. earth is literally our mother and is not FOR us. merde! i'm enraged again, same as when some suit says "going forward, blah, blah, blah.", or another says, "we want to MAKE SURE blah, blah, blah."

is this what "forked" tongue means?

speaking of wall street, on american greed, a woman says, (paraphrase) "what did i learn? don't trust a man wearing an expensive suit and italian loafers."

today govt (via the Minerals Management Service and Obama) and wall street (arrggj!) got mixed up in my head. not a great combination to make something positive, got to try, AND die trying!

is this what being the fool who sold Manhattan for a string of beads feels like?

Ignorant but watching anyway

The stock market has been in my consciousness since that day in high school, waay, waaay back in the early '70's, when my econ teacher gave us play money to buy stocks. I became a play money millionaire in my own head as the stocks i picked gained and lost. it was a form of gambling in a way i understood except that in stickgame, the odds are always 50/50. i should have shorted myself on graduating from high school but that stock picking experience always kept me looking at the back page of the business section whenever i had a paper in my hands. lately i have had to gain more understanding of it as bun and i have had a little bit of pension money locked up with pebb. they have unwisely settled on muni bonds and "safe" picks that are now tanking. i knew the car companies would go down, even predicted housing crash (we still have 25% to go down) and cashed out my own small pension at the high but now the only thing i can think of is, "dow 5000, then i'll buy, (if i had the money of course) call it a market "correction".

Trying to self reflect, not succeeding but

at least, giving it a try. It is too easy to simply shit on yourself and make it even harder to give yourself a voice and let it be heard, crap though it may be. Why it matters so much that a voice is in perfect tune before it can be used is getting more ridiculous as I get older. How to get tuned? Fear is strangling me. I was not in the best mental or emotional health as it is, and the world burns. Every unreal image or experience, as a totality of our stories, hopefully, has to get sung, get written, ready or not.

It is also unfortunate that i am all the things i hate, including racist and fiscally irresponsible. I cannot fault myself for sexual peccadilloes, because who doesn't have them? not too crazy in that area, all in all, especially in light of the scandals of high profile politicos in the last few years. just as irresponsible is not being able to face anything, especially life and death, but including the most basic work needed to hold self, family, neighborhood and world together. what that is about cannot be the most important question for myself, or it stops me from doing anything, never mind keeping up with writing anything. i don't care why i'm so imperfect anymore, i have to have a plan for doing better, sure, but death is imminent, why is unanswerable, a waste of time. so sing it, ay?

My rage makes me incoherent, guess i can't worry about that anymore either. reactionary? what choice do i have other than to anticipate and be natural, whatever that is at the moment? people are sleeping under bridges and have no food, what can i do about that? what do we do as our water and air are poisoned and non one has trust in anything, so it all gets worse while we fight over limited resources. Dreaming helps by allowing me to experience a world at peace, music in the air, campfires bright, people streaming here and there, getting ready for something, laughing, calling out. I'm always headed up a hill towards a starry sky, family beside me, a long walk ahead.

not cancer

have been negligent yet again but at least now i know i do not have cancer of the colon. the test was not bad, the preparation was noxious but worth it all in all. the health of our entire ecosystem is another question entirely and how i feel is enraged. what to do about all that other than write to this blog, which btw, is still directed to the kids that i have in reality, since as usual, i cannot communicate directly with them either, at least not right now.

my days are short, and like everyone else, i want to be free, comfortable, loved, a lover, a good friend with real friends, to be a part of my own family and able to create family out of the masses. no way to know anything, so kuunuu to all of religion and politics, economics especially. no more tv news for me either. what truth there is i have to find in myself and for now, i'm a big, fat, liar.

SHPY (should have posted yesterday)

bp and gs are falling like boulders and are even being downgraded, like that ever happens and wow.  bp is losing something like point ten per ten minutes and gs has lost 20 billion in value!

"blah-blah" Biggs says "buy." dow down 140 pints.  boy, he is stuttering like a schoolboy not sure of his answer.  he must own a lot of gs and he knows this is not a jobless recovery, there is no recovery at all.

today is the last day of first time homeowner credit and jingle mail outpaces that.  we are not close to a bottom, why do we deny this?

who looks at disaster and smiles?

Poison

One more thing to get exorcised about.  BP just leaked millions of gallons of oil off the coast of Louisiana after fighting for years to deregulate their industry.  

Well, what do I want out of this?  Health and joy.  Gag.  Not even sure how to register this in my brain.  The animals and any life in the way of this spill are poisoned, being poisoned as I write.  Shit.

At least BP's stock price is taking a hit.  If we're lucky, some of those clowns go to prison and BP ceases to exist. 

Gag, gag, gag.  I have to do something physical, back later.

Mai ji sa ze nen

Been afraid for so long that it is strangely liberating to just say, "It's a good day to die."  This is some kind of native american stereotype, I'm sure, but today I choose to become active somehow.  Pain, poverty and death seem more real everyday, without taking any risks, so what am I afraid of?

Deep down, the fear is being replaced by a sense of what I want for myself, what I want for everyone else, yes, that old saw - - PEACE, dammit, Peace.

Done

Levin hearing comment: Be funnier if they flashed pics of these guy's houses, cars, watches, suits, restaurant and flight tabs as they testify. Levin rocks. lol!

As funny as it was to watch the GS smirking at Levin it was depressing to understand how far away we are in getting a bill out of the senate.  The only way to reconcile being a citizen of this country is to get involved in such a way that I take back a measure of my power, my understanding of fairness and economy and do it here and on twitter first and foremost.  

Any kind of self espression that will crowd out the cries of rage and helplessness that I want to let out in pure madness at what we have had to live through since our world was invaded.  This kind of rage has been killing my spirit and my family is dying around me, so it is necessary for me to find another way.

Even if it kills me, it has to be towards peace and equality, it being my self expression, in league with others, hopefully, but not dependent on them.  I have to be dependent on only myself.  If death is sooner rather than later because of it, hell, yes, I'm scared but today I'm done hanging back, done, done, done.

"Socialize" my thoughts!?

Birnbaum is amazingly smug.  He is trying so hard not to laugh at Tester's questions.  He is not so great at socializing his thoughts at this hearing.  Tester is going to rip gs mainly because of him  

Sparks is dancing his ass off.  He is effectively saying,  "There were suckers who wanted this risk, give me a break, here!"  He is an under-liar.

So maddening that most of us have trouble making our bills and don't know how to do taxes half the time and these guys get paid billions for being dollar hogs.

CSPAN rocks

Always have to acknowledge good tv when it's there.  The idiots from wall street are having to fight smugness while evading questions AND condescending to the politicians in front of a SENATE committee meeting and millions of people watching!  It's even more hilarious to watch these young, reckless, dollar-slaves try to justify themselves (in such indignant tones, yet), and now the freakin' republican is getting irritated!  Not looking good for the moneyslaves.

Comments

I make comments sometimes because there is no other way sometimes.  

Politico article on teabagger failure:
There is room for a third and fourth party in this country, but there will be a price to pay in terms of political sanity, especially since we do not have good information nor a decent press.  Remember, ala the supremes, it's "People" vs. "Corporation/People" now and the teabag types are getting the press that is owned by the corporation types and we all wonder why.  Maybe teabaggers aren't doing so well because they aren't really People, but Corporate stooges, otherwise why would your rag or the wapo/nyt rag cover them?  My logic is unassailable.

BTW, where was the MSM when there were millions of us marching against the Iraq war?  THAT was a movement but instead, you wanted a war, so thanks, myopic media, for NOT giving us OUR teabag coverage when it could have made all the difference in the world.  Makes you think Corporation people want actual People to die in unfunded wars in which Corporations make money without paying taxes.

Yes, both parties are corrupt or ineffective and something is going to change although I doubt that even amurkins are stupid enough to go with an (R) again.  I'm trying to forget that we barely lived through 43 for two stolen terms so look out (D)'s, look out world, we MIGHT be that stupid again but I sincerely hope not.

We would be wise to plan for anarchy as the last, best scenario because that indicates intelligent involvement by the citizenry while at the moment, small nut job teabagger groups are meant to represent all of us that are fed up with the sick society we have built in what could have been the best Union on earth.  Teabaggers DO NOT represent all the discontent and revolutionary fervor stirring up out here, THAT I know.

Tipping point

the timing is based on some cost equation?  i am a consumer but for now, the tipping point is death.  everything short of that, including the gross unfairness of it all, i have to let it ALL be itself.  Letting it be is a song that does not mean being afraid or giving up.  i will battle fear until i'm faced with my Last Breath but right now i head to the hospital for a visit with a grand daughter, Jeannette, who is taking her time healing and she's only 14.  No tipping point here, she is just taking her time.

i have to stop watching bloomberg.  less tv and more cspan, ay?  We have to have a public option or our People die even more so than usual.  Not sure if our birth rate can keep up, not sure if it matters.

My tipping point is getting close, how about you?

If you pray, think of Jeannette Jim today.

Kuut Nuu ("I don't know")

A sister friend and I hosted a tradish tobacco information seminar for a group of teachers a long while back.  When we started, we knew nothing, so we faked it by cobbling together the memories we both had of doing ceremonies with tobacco as a medicine but neither one of us remembers it being a cure for anything.  It is a strong medicine for sure, mainly because when you screw with it, it kills you.  No wonder we mixed it with other things when we did do it recreationally back in The Day.  Later, when tobacco was mixed with crazy chemicals, The People died of cancer just like everyone else.  Still, there are some who live fine, belying everyone's warnings of death by bad habit.  Why?  Don't know.

Kuut Nuu (the BIG "I don't know"), something we all hate with a passion, Uncertainty that boggles the heart and soul.  No one ever wants to admit they know nothing, why is that?

We decided at the last minute to encapsulate our experience with a wish, a Want given to the great unknown.  We asked each Teacher to take a scrap of paper, write on it and give the tobacco to it as an offering.  The end result was a bag of words wrapped in tobacco.  All these years later I have unpacked them and decided to burn those offerings once in a while and write those words here.  

"communication"
"patience"

Wow, that stuff is strong.  I did it to the four directions in the only way I have ever seen and I will do that until all the Wants are done.  After that, Kuut Nuu.

transitions

I stood over my mom and wished she would die.  My niece joked about using a pillow over her face just to get it over with.  She was scared but she gave everything of herself to all those who visited her at St. Joseph's Hospital. 
There is nothing more mysterious than life and death.  
wall street is simply stupendous greed and watching (on CSPAN of course) the money masters of the universe try to explain their actions only makes me sad now.  When anyone says the phrase "move or moving forward" I gag.  We are only bags of need, wanting so much to know how to live life and no one has the answers.  

now things have to change, everyone is an orphan in the end.